is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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