I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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