I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
My balls are so social today.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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