anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
