I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Randomize
