I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
