OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
