Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
