he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Randomize
