We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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