im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
