you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
