We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
