A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
