When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i came on her dog
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
