I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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