Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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