My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
