Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
