Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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