i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
