I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
