Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
