I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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