Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
