omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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