READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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