Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I will be naked everywhere
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Randomize
