He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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