I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
