I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
