he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
this hospital has no fireball
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
