I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
