And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
