I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
