i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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