I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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