NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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