He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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