there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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