He is such a slut. More and more my type.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
