Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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