1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
