Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
