My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
