Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
