i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
