I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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