yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
