They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
